I’m sister to Bellisimos leader the Bearded Lady and I have inherited my gift from our maternal grandmother, who also was a freak when she lived. I got the sights and my sister got the beard. I can both voluntarily and involuntarily see things from the past, but also things that will happen. 

Me and my sister have both grown up on the road, and come from a long family line of freaks and show artists. Ten years ago, our parents tragically died in a fire and the Bearded Lady took over as the leader of The Bellissimos, and I really think that she has done this splendidly.

I do not know anything besides travelling with my big, lovely family and I know that many people like me are in asylums, are put in ice baths or having brain surgery to make their visions go away. But I get to be here, with these wonderful freaks and enjoy life with The Bellissimos. 

I have never caught myself a man, nor have I had any children of my own, but I have become a mother figure to the Small Star Nova. We sing together, I brush her hair, braid it  and listen to the little tomfooleries she sometimes tells me about. She has such a great imagination and she is so funny and cute, my sweet little girl.

My co-workers, The Exotical Beauties, and I have good cooperation. They are a bit odd, and perhaps even retarded, playing with their dolls and having their little games, but they’re not hurting anyone and we get along well. I tell them about my visions and they act it out on stage. We are a good team.

The Albino Father is quite frequently coming to see me these days. He wants to know about his future. I can sometimes see a journey across water, and then there’s pain, grief and death. Sometimes I see betrayal, a terrible one but I haven’t dared to tell him straight up about it yet. But he keeps asking me, and the visions are very clear: his life is in danger. 

Since last week in Västervik when mr Jensens daughter Elvira disappeared, I have occasionally had visions about evil and sudden death for all of us in The Bellissimos. I see chaos, and I see my friends dead, and I don’t understand why or where this death will come from. I worry that it might be The Workers who plan something, or Renfield. He is hiding something, I can tell. He always looks over his shoulder, and walks around being stressed up about something. Perhaps someone from the outside, a visitor?

Perhaps I should talk to my sister or someone of her closest women about this, but I don’t want to worry them for nothing. I will try to be happy and cordial, just as usual, but it’s hard and my friends are feeling very low since Elvira disappeared. I try to support, comfort and tell them that everything will be fine, but I don’t know that. Perhaps I should try to carefully ask around, see how everyone is doing and if someone seems to be extra odd. I have promised Mr Jensen to let him know if I get any visions about what might have happened to his daughter. 

We have to tell the story, the beautiful fairy tale, about the Bellissimos. We are all little dolls in a big and dangerous world and we must make sure that everyone stays here and remains a family. We understand that this is a bad and hard time. We must create dolls of Mr Jensen, Paoli, The Bearded lady, Zudrynas, The Albino Family and all the others, because when the dolls are finished, we can, with our fairy tale, make them all happy again. We will take something personal from each and everyone of us, a lock of hair, a piece of their clothing or something insignificant from their home to make a smaller world for us to be in. We will turn us all to dolls. And when our little family is done, nothing can go wrong anymore. We will protect everyone. It comes down to us. A little world with everyone in it, where we can give our love, our tenderness and protection for the family. Our friend, the Small Star, Stella, had already helped us make two dolls. She likes to play with dolls. 

We are the evil and the goodness and we’re sisters and we need to be together always. We know that The Clown is attracted to evil and we know that The Wilder is attracted to goodness. We excite them, we incite them with our exotic beauty. We can influence them to good and to evil. Both are needed. Both are important, but we must make sure to keep the balance as we compete against each other as a game.

We borrow The Wilder from his owner, take him aside, play with him, make him feel good, and sometimes we make love with him before we return him with a smile on his lips. When we play with the clown, we always return him in a condition of frustration and anger. That is balance.

We seek out The 161-year old to get support in our thoughts. There is something supernatural about her that we are very attracted to. We believe that she is a demon or some other supernatural being, and that’s our little secret. We love to make love with her even if she bites.

We work together with The Fortune Teller and when she has her visions, she tells them to us and we perform them on stage in front of the audience. It’s like a theatre show. We make the characters and act out the visions in a dramatic way. We put our hearts and our souls into this because we love what we do.

To the audience who remains behind after the show and pays an extra sum to The Bearded Lady, we also have a performance where we enjoy each other’s bodies, to the great excitement of the silent men in the audience.

The Bellissimos know, and this is our world. One day we will rule over the freaks. One day they will all be our dolls for real and we will be in The Bearded Lady’s wagon, be the ones in church and the freaks will dance as marionettes with us pulling the strings. We often visit The Bearded Lady, helping her with her hair, mending her clothes, or giving some other reason as to why we’re there. We want to learn how the wagon feels on the inside, see how she lives and what she does. Ask her about everything concerning how to run this business and when we know how, we will be powerful and famous on our own. Just think about being on the front side of the paper. Everyone will see us and read about us. People will cut out our photography, put it in a frame, love us and worship us.

Exotic Beauty 1: I would rule much better alone without my sister, but together with The Wilder. We are the goodness. 

Exotic Beauty 2: much better alone, without my sister, but together with The Clown. We are the evil.

My mother, The Fat Lady, loves me in every way. She is considerate of me and I love her deeply. Since my 13th birthday, we have shared a bed as a man and woman do. Mother thought that I needed to learn the art of love and of course I’m grateful for this. I think it’s good that mother shows me how to behave and what to do to be a good man. She often tells me that a man must be able to take care of his woman. If I ever do marry someone, I need to make her happy at night. My mother has made sure I know this. I’m thinking a lot about whom I shall marry because I am an adult in a couple of years. I want to ask my mother about this. I’m sure she knows someone good.

Since I was a child, I have loved to watch The Snake Charmer’s macabre collection of deformed, dead animals in jars. The Snake Charmer and I can sit for hours and talk about the most bizarre topics and we both find exaltation in the macabre. If there is something that I don’t understand, he encourages me to do experiments. For instance, how does burnt human flesh smell, how does blood taste or how long can a kitten be underwater before it dies? A tiny kitten barely lasts a minute, I know that now. The Snake Charmer has that kitten in a jar. I call her Little Blackie.

When I was a boy, I got a brother. Mother was given the care of her dead sister’s son, The Giant. He was a snob, an overgrown child who came in with polished shoes and well-groomed hair parted to the side and thought that he was better than the freaks. He moved in with me and mother and mother spared no time in showing him his place, and that is on the floor among the rest of the filth. My place is in the bed next to mothers soft body. I like that he’s down there, listening to everything me and mother do together at night, all the sounds of us making love.

I am very interested in the rest of the company and I’d like to talk to them about everything, but I try not to talk about myself. If I had to start to tell him what I think about, my dreams, and how my desire to kill grows stronger every year, that the fantasies about how it would feel and how it would be done become more detailed, they would just react in a bad way and misunderstand me.

Elvira’s disappearance affected me in a funny way and I secretly hope that her cavalier Sixten has killed her, preferably in a bloody manner.

If I get the chance. I would like to kill The Exotic Beauties, with a rope, and then I would put make-up on them and make love to them before I would let them burn. I think about this every time they play with me, what they would feel like when they’re dead.

Since you were a little boy, you’ve lived with your stepmother The Fat Lady and your stepbrother The Clown, who both hates you. You try to be kind and not cause any trouble, but it’s hard for someone with your body mass. You’re clumpsy and your wagon is so small that you have to sleep on the floor. You have learned to cry in silence and to close your ears regarding what you hear that your brother and mother are doing at night. But you endure. The loneliness of being in a wagon of your own would have been much worse.

You’re doing what’s asked of you during the shows. You let the visitors hit you a couple of times, before  you, with your strength, wrestled them down on the ground and they will be pleased and happy and go home. After you have been beaten up by other men as long as they want to, The Workers usually take over. Virpi and Milosh are the worst. They excite each other to fight you.

Your mother died when you were born, and this is your fault. You know this because your stepmother tells you this every day. Despite all the hardship in your life. You have a lot of love in your chest to give to the other freaks. You love these odd people with all of your heart and you wish them all well. Your deepest wish is to find someone who loves you, but it’s hard. You don’t know how to approach girls. You flatter them and interpret their polite gratefulness as invites and you have kissed both of the Litlte Stars Luna and Stella, but judging by their shoves and their disgusted faces, you quickly understood that your approach was not welcome. But you’re strong, perhaps you should just hold them a little harder so that they can’t run away when you try again.

When you can afford it, you buy a moment of closeness with The Four-Legged Girl through her guardian, The Hypnotist. You feel that you soon will have to do that again. Your loneliness is hard, you need some kind of physical contact and you like that she has both male and female genitalia and you are happy to be with her even thought she is hypnotized when you fuck her.

Yesterday, in Kristianstad, you accidentally broke a farmer’s arm. You really didn’t mean to, but he was drunk and his friends excited him towards you, more violent, and when they started shouting about picking out knives to get you, you gave an extra pull, and that’s when it happened. It really wasn’t good and you’re ashamed of it. You feel all the freaks staring at you with hatred in their eyes and you try to be as usual, but you’re extra kind and helpful to show that it was a mistake. The farmer’s words of “getting back at the freaks” are still ringing in your ears, and you’re actually terrified of their revenge. If someone from the outside would come and be kind to you, you will open up your heart to this person.

Actually, he’s not my type of man at all, The Lion Tamer, With this hard and firm outside his whips and his angry manner. But his fingers pinch so gently about the pink pralines and when he brings them to my mouth and places them in between my hungry lips, he is like a tender bird mom, feeding his precious little dove chicken. When I have licked the chocolate  from his fingers or when I have swallowed the last oyster from his hand and his eyes are all sparkling with desire, then I let him come into my embrace and inside me. Every day he gives me something yummy and keeps me satisfied. This is appreciated. The Lion Tamer is married to the Little Lady but he is my secret lover. I believe that a man should take good care of his wife or mistress. If he doesn’t, it could happen with him as with The Clown’s father. He was not good at taking care of me, and he got what he deserved, yes indeed.

My son The Clown is the man of my dreams. I love him above all else and I tell him this every day. He is the most beautiful, the smartest, the most fantastic young man the earth has ever seen and I teach him to behave like a good man. God’s gift to women sprung from my loins, to where he returns every night to satisfy his poor mother. The Giant is another matter. That stinking villain who killed my sister when she birthed him, and who is now brought on to me to take care of until he’s old enough to take care of himself. As if he ever will be able to, the fool. I have decided that he shall move out of mine and The Clowns wagon where he usually sleeps on the floor. He can sleep wherever he wants. I need my freedom.

I have been friends with Adelaide for a long time, despite it being hard to understand her with her accent. We understand each other and what responsibility it is to bring a child to adulthood. Adelaide is fancy and very good at childcare but she has many good and wise ideas about most things actually.

On stage, I perform with The Little Lady and have an entertaining show where we are compared to each other in funny ways. The Little Lady will take on my clothes and I hers, we do a funny dance and then we sit in the lap of different members of the audience and everyone bursts out in laughter and lifts the roof of the tent.

I really feel at home here at The Bellissimos. I’m respected among the freaks in a way I never was before I got here. Outside I was hated, I was mocked and people were shouting at me as I walked down the street, pointing and laughing. I didn’t fit in anywhere but here. I’m loved and I am indispensable to The Bellissimos survival. What is a freak show without their Fat Lady? Sure, The Workers’ jeers hurt me, but I keep my back straight, carrying my pride. I would never show them that their mockery throws me right back to the hell I lived in before The Bellissimos.

Me and Tyco, the manager for the Little Stars, grew up in an orphanage run by nuns, which was a place worse than anyone could imagine. That we didn’t starve to death or died from one of all the diseases flourishing in those filthy rooms is still a puzzle to me. What the nuns did to me in the name of God, forcing me on my knees to pray for hours, punishing me for my gift with pain, cold and humiliation, I still remember and that is why I now hate filth, diseases and religion.

One night when me and Tyco were almost adults, the abbey caught fire, and in the chaos that followed, we walked away from there hand in hand. That was when our lives started. There in the fire, we left all horrors behind us. Now, we would be our own independent adults and no one would oppress us ever again.

The other day I found the Little Star Luna crying and she told me what Tyco had done to her, rape, beating and so on. I listened and comforted her, but I am not bothered by what Tyco is doing to his girls. However, he cannot let it come out like this, that will diminish the innocent shimmer surrounding the Little Stars. He needs to keep them under control.

Some flowers have appeared at the stairs to the wagon. The Four-Legged Girl thinks they are for her, but I know that it is Mr Jensen who tries to charm me, which is quite reasonable, since I am both charming and social and take great value in dressing properly. We have lived together in the same wagon for a good many years now and I guess he thinks it’s time for us to settle down. I will have to show him clearly that I want him and that I want to tie the marital bonds.

It’s very sad Elvira is missing, but that’s how it is with youth if you don’t keep them in check. I really do encourage Mr Jensen to keep a firm grip of Dogboy, so that he does not disappear as well. Young people have always done exactly what they desire and I’m convinced that Elvira and the handsome Sixten are doing well, those little turtle doves.
A few years ago in a town way up north in Sweden, I got a tip about The Four-Legged Girl. She was locked in an attic, doomed to wither away in darkness and dust, denied and neglected. Her parents were grateful that she was taken from their home, so that they were released from their shame. And I make good money showing the girl on stage and charge anyone who wants to buy a moment of intimacy with her. She is born with both a male and a female genitalia, my sweet little freak. I let her fall into hypnosis and then the business can occur. It’s good and painless and customers are always happy. Of course I make sure that my little darling gets her part of the income in the form of gifts. I also give Mr Jensen some money for our little arrangement here in our shared wagon. It’s only fair.

On stage I perform with hypnotising chosen members of the audience. It takes a great toll on my powers, and except for The Four-Legged Girl, I usually don’t hypnotise anyone within the family, unless some fun entertainment is called for during a boring night.

I remember when The Hypnotist carried me downstairs. That she put me in my bed in the wagon and that I was rocked to sleep as the wagon rolled away along the road. I got daily baths, my hair was cut short and the vermin I carried was treated. I got food. I got something warm to drink and clothes that were soft and clean and smelled so good. My new mother loved me from the very first moment and she kept telling me what a gift from the gods I was to her and how unique I was. She could sit for hours and bathe my four feet, massage them and tell me about how fantastic creations like me, with both a male and a female genitalia, sometimes came into our world, and how they should not be hidden away in shame, but on the contrary should be proudly displayed.

On stage I’m a cocky girl with short cut hair showing up my legs, wearing a pretty dress as I’m spitting snuff and making gross jokes. My mother has raised me to be a proud individual. I talk back when I’m mocked by The Workers and more than once, I have used my fists to defend myself against Paoli, and if it’s mean to me more times, I will hit him again.

 There are times when my mother puts me in my bed and asks me to relax, and when I wake up from the hypnosis I feel that something has happened. I sense it, I can smell it, but I don’t know what it is. One day, if I dare, I will not let mothers hypnosis take hold. One day I will find out what’s happening. Mother tells me not to bother about it and a few days later I get a nice gift, a hat, a scarf or a lipstick.

We’re probably the richest of everyone in The Bellissimos and that feels good. It feels like me and mother are better than everyone else. I love my mother so much.

I have a secret admirer who leaves flowers for me on the stairs to the wagon. I have no idea who it is. But I usually flirt a little bit with those whom I think are handsome, mostly the Workers even though they bully me, and maybe deep inside I hope it’s one of them. It’s a bit empty in the wagon now that Elvira is gone and I’m very worried about her. But at the same time, I’m jealous of her, thinking about what kind of adventures that she could be having.

Madison, the Albino Daughter, is my best friend. She and I use to sneak away to get a smoke and she has told me that we’re going to get drunk. because she will get booze for us. Her parents have decided that they’re going to leave. This makes me very sad and I hope that we can send letters to each other.

My big sister Elvira was so nice and kind and she always sang the prettiest songs to me when I was going to sleep. Her hair was long and dark and she combed it and braided it in nice, long braids that were fun to play with. But now she’s gone since a week when we all were in Västervik. I don’t understand why. My father, Mr Jensen won’t say anything to me, but I can see that he’s sad too. And he had changed since Elvia disappeared. I barely get to do anything anymore and that’s difficult with my lack of impulse control. It’s like I’m being punished for something I haven’t done. We always used to play before and sometimes we snuck into the city we were visiting or out into a forest. Once we took a swim in a lake even though we weren’t allowed to. Luna and I always do the funniest things. We have pretended that we were someone else, that we were running away, and that we were two explorers out on an adventure.

I actually get angry with my father when he tells me No all the time. I’m not a small child anymore and he needs to understand that. I don’t want to live here in his wagon, obey his rules or be his Dogboy anymore. He is suffocating me. I have to ask Luna to run away with me. I’m sure she would like to come with me if I ask her, because she is my best friend.

On stage, Father and I are performing together. I do tricks, jump through hoops and balance on bricks. It was fun when I was little and father was very proud of me, I could tell. But now it’s not so funny anymore. But I haven’t dared to tell him that yet.

I would rather be one of The Workers. They’re so hard-nosed, especially Scarlatti. I’m following him around, try to be where he is when he’s doing things, and when he’s resting I’m curling up next to him and he pets me. If I’m not running away with Luna, then I want to be a worker. I think it might be Scarlatti who sometimes puts flowers on our wagon stairs, flowers for me.

Satan is the nastiest one here in our company. He smells blood, sweat, iron, fear and if I get too close to him it’s like I can’t control myself, I want to fight him, render him harmless. Kill him. I know that The Wilder feels the same way. That makes me like him a little bit extra, actually. It’s like we have something in common and I want to be his friend.

Elvira, my little girl, my beautiful princess with the long, dark hair, she’s gone. A week ago when we all were in Västervik, her bed was empty, her clothes, jewellery, beauty products, the pictures she had on the wall, everything was gone. It’s like she’s never even existed. She left me and my son the Dogboy behind. My heart is broken. I feel sadness, worry but also anger and just a smidgeon of hope. Everyone tells me that she will be back, that she’s just had a teenage fling, that she will come to her senses and come back to me, and I choose to listen to them. Of course she’ll be back. There is nothing on the outside for us. Here at The Bellissimo’s, we care about each other, we understand each other, and this is the best of families. On the outside, there is nothing but betrayal, evil and egoism. I know that all too well.

I would never ever leave The Bellissimo’s. Here I am respected urbane, and father to one of the most appreciated numbers. Children laugh when I dressage Dogboy on stage. It really is a funny little number that we have. And I do love to be on stage. I feel powerful and important there in the lights.

I have decided to remarry. I have appointed Little Star Vega as a suitable wife for me. She’s used to this freakshow life and she truly is old enough to start a family. She seems to be a proper girl and I think that we can be happy. But I would like to try out her skills in bed beforehand because I want to have a full-fledged woman who knows how to please a man. It’s not until you’re between the sheets that you know if you’re suited for one another or not. Of course I will have to talk to Tyco about this and see if he can spare her.

If we get married we need to have a wagon of our own. I will have to talk to The Bearded Lady about this, because I don’t want to live here, with The Hypnotists and The Four-Legged Girl anymore. Their businesses are starting to get on my nerves, but I can’t say that much about it, since she is giving me money for my trouble, and I do like to treat myself to some of Renfield’s luxurious drinks. If only The Hypnotist had been a bit more erotic and sensual, then at least I could have had some fun with her before I settled down with Vega.

I am deeply concerned that Little Star Luna tried to lure Dogboy out on foolish things. He is so easily influenced and has no impulse control. I think it’s she who leaves flowers on our wagon stairs sometimes. I must keep his rains short now. Ask him where he’s going, what he’s doing, who he is with, and not ever leave him unsupervised. I can’t let him disappear from me. He mustn’t. Perhaps I could borrow a leash from The Lion Tamer. I can’t lose another child. I would succumb to grief.

I have lived for a very long time, far beyond the 161 years stated on the posters. I’ve seen almost everything. I have been socialising in the grandest rooms. I have met kings, emperors and royal highnesses. I have lived through plagues, wars and revolutions. And both in human suffering and their uttermost luxury, there is always the exact same type of evil. In both survival and decadency, egoism and desperation are born. I have learned how to embrace it and enjoy it.

It amuses me to see people turning against each other, making love, being scorned, rising up only to be beaten down again, and that’s why I travel with The Bellissimo’s. The freaks amuse me. The Exotic Beauties are playing gods over The Bellissimo’s. They tempt and lure both good and evil out of the freaks, and I am happy to help them with my powers as long as I get to fuck them, they can handle me biting them. I bite them without bloodshed of course. I help The Exotic Beauties to enhance their ambitions and their impulsion.

 At my side, always, is Renfield. Renfield knows that the umbrella I’m always holding on to is to protect me from the race of the sun that would get my skin to corrode. He’s the one who gives me blood as often as I demand it. Few things can kill me, only the sun and fire.
Renfield knows everything there is to know about me, but on the other hand he is transitory and mortal, just like all humans are. I don’t know how I would react if he would find someone else to love than me. That thought scares me and when it does I usually lure someone from the local town to me, a journalist or a guest, and I’m giving this person all my love inside our waggon just to make Renfield jealous, and thus entice his desire for me.

Sometimes I enjoy Renfield, I help myself with his body, bite him all over, sucking his blood. He screams from the orgasms and is lost inside his mind and then he’s in a dazed condition for hours afterwards, a feeling of complete satisfaction. It’s a beautiful sight.
I like to hang out with worker Milosh. We’re both from the same country, and they often talk about memories they had from before the land was bombarded. Evolution is still on fire in their chest, I can tell, and it makes me happy.

The blood that Renfield regularly provides me with has started to taste bitter, as if it is infected. I want something new, something innocent. There are a few virgins left here among the freaks. I can smell it, but I don’t know exactly who it is. I need to find out and when I know I will demand Renfield to get blood from them.
Apart from being the holiest human alive, I perform by turning myself into a bat and escape from a cage by turning into smoke and break out from a locked box. Not even our leader and my best friend, The Bearded Lady, understands how it happens, and I don’t think she cares either, as long as my tricks entice the audience and the money keeps rolling in.

Off-info:
This character has the ability to make people do and feel things. This is done by the player giving a hand gesture, and then, in a short sentence, tells what they wish will happen. The receiving player will then, in a manner they see fit, act this magic out, in accordance with other ongoing game-play.

My relationship to The 161-Year-Old cannot be called love. I guess it was love once, but now, it’s an addiction. I can’t be without her, and I am her humble servant and slave. What she does to me, more rarely nowadays, is more than sex. It’s an orgasm of the soul that makes me dazed for hours afterwards.

I’m scared that she will choose someone else over me in the end, when she makes love to the Exotic Beauties it hurts me in my heart. I’m aging every day and I’m far from being the young, vigorous 18-year-old she chose to be hers such a long time ago. I’m doing everything I can to be exciting and interesting. I arrange small surprises, and I would be happy to recite a love poem or sing a serenade in her honour in front of the rest of the company, so that she will understand that she is the most important person in my life. If she would shut me out, then I don’t stand a chance, my life would be over.

Outside The Bellissimo’s, I am nothing. Just a lousy, indebted, murderer, threatened to life by dangerous persons. If I don’t keep up with my lover and the Bellissimo they will find me and drown me in the harbour. I will be food for the fishes.

 As a child, I got to follow my family when they were smuggling, and I was a part of the underworld before I even came of age. Sure, I’m scared of the police. They have a lot on me and could sentence me to death but I also have far more dangerous enemies.

The Bellissimo’s is my sanctuary. Here I can live safely with my love. I’m feeling gratitude towards The Bearded Lady because she and her closest women, The Albino Mother and The Little Lady, are allowing me to stay here and actually also giving me a salary even though I’m not really one of the freaks. To thank her, I support her in all her decisions and make sure to keep her role as the leader of the Bellissimo’s undisputed.

I buy an expensive miracle cream from The Snake Tamer to keep my skin young and fresh. I also must buy blood from Satan for my beloved 161-Year-Old every day. Almost all the income I get from selling booze to The Workers are spent on these necessities.

The Worker Scarlatti and I have an interesting relationship. We can entice each other for days before we manage to arrange a meeting. Scarlatti’s sexual desires are a bit odd, but it’s way too exciting, and it’s also a chance for me to get an outlet for my frustration and powerlessness. I feel like I’m cheating, and perhaps I should talk to The 161-Year-Old about my relationship with Scarlatti.

The Fortune Teller is often glaring at me. I wonder if she knows something about my background.

Twenty years ago, a young woman lost herself in a beautiful but poor man. He was an adventurer and a bohemian. She was well-educated, traditional and came from money. They both had the same unusual appearance: pale skin and fair hair. This unique likeness gave them, despite their opposite backgrounds, and feeling of affinity. Her family forbade her to see him, but as youth always have, she chose love and ran away with him to a faraway country. 

Adelaide and Joe came to Sweden. They made living on what work they could find for the day. They were meager, in love and invincible. They lived on the roads a couple of years, until they found out that they were about to be parents. Little Madison was born and their lives changed. From now on, they need food every day, and that requires a steady income. The Bellissimo’s became their home. They took advantage of their peculiar looks and created a number where they, like maniacs, are eating raw meat and shouting sentences in their mother tongue out loud. The audience cheers in delight mixed with horror by the cannibal’s barbarian manners. 

To spend time with the worker John is what I enjoy most about my life right now, except for being on stage. I’m good with the technical, and I get to help him with that sometimes, but mostly we just sit in the sun, having a smoke together. Sometimes he offers me beer. But I know all too well that he lets me spend time with him out of mercy, because he, like the rest of The Workers, hate me for my origin and are always making fun of me.

When I, Adelaide and Madison go on stage, towards the tray with meat, get down on all fours and start eating, then I lose sense of time and space. My white costume is bloody from meat juice, my hair gets sticky, the saliva splashes and I become a savage. I speak my native tongue, I say words that I normally never would use. The adrenaline is flowing and I can hear the pulse beating in my ears. I become invincible, strong and dangerous. Afterwards in our wagon I take my wife so hard and brutal that I’m appalled by my own behvaiour. It’s a happy moment, and I know that she loves it too. 

I often go to The Wilder, who is of our kind. He is a fantastic poet and can sing the most beautiful songs from our homeland. 

My wife wants to get back to her family, and we have been toiling and saving and scrimping for two years to save up for the journey. We have been cold during the winters to keep the costs down, not heating the wagon too much, and I also had to shoot my dog, because Adelaide thought we couldn’t afford him. We have 400 sek now, and that’s enough to get us home. I love my wife, so of course I do what she says. Her family is powerful and she assures me that they have forgiven us both, and that we will be well received, but I am still very afraid of what they might do to me. 

I let The Fortune Teller tell my fortune more frequently, because the grief I feel for leaving The Bellissimo’s gets stronger every day. We’re already in Malmö, and after our shows are done here, then we’ll leave. I look at my daughter Madison. I see the resemblance between her and her mother, and I know that they both deserve a better life than what I can give them here among the freaks. I try to see that my daughter gets her well-deserved inheritance by giving her this journey home. I guess I have to leave my happy life at The Bellissimo’s now, for their sake.

Twenty years ago, a young woman lost herself in a beautiful but poor man. He was an adventurer and a bohemian. She was well-educated, traditional and came from money. They both had the same unusual appearance: pale skin and fair hair. This unique likeness gave them, despite their opposite backgrounds, and feeling of affinity. Her family forbade her to see him, but as youth always have, she chose love and ran away with him to a faraway country. 

Adelaide and Joe came to Sweden. They made living on what work they could find for the day. They were meager, in love and invincible. They lived on the roads a couple of years, until they found out that they were about to be parents. Little Madison was born and their lives changed. From now on, they need food every day, and that requires a steady income. The Bellissimo’s became their home. They took advantage of their peculiar looks and created a number where they, like maniacs, are eating raw meat and shouting sentences in their mother tongue out loud. The audience cheers in delight mixed with horror by the cannibal’s barbarian manners.

Every show is a public humiliation. I eat the raw meat in front of me and pretend I’m a cannibal. Afterwards, I have to throw up but Joe loves the show and gets excited, and takes out his lusts out on me in our wagon afterwards. I let him do what he needs to, even though it’s brutal and he disgusts me. I know that I look different, but pretending to be a crazy cannibal is horrible. This was not the life I wanted. We have to go home. My family and a dignified life are waiting for us. 

It’s difficult for me to express myself in English and The Workers are jeering at me. I endure, even though I just want to jeer them right back. My dignity stops me. 

Me and my husband have saved and scrimped, and now, finally, we have the money we need to be able to go home. After the two shows here in Malmö, it’s time for us to leave. I can’t get out of there fast enough. I used to have honour and pride in my origin, my good family, but I threw all of it away for that wretched Joe. I receive letters from my family. I read and answer them in secret. I am welcome to come back home, me and my child, but they don’t want to have anything to do with Joe. He has dragged me and my family through the dirt and I know that they will kill him if he comes with us. For his sake, but also for mine, it would perhaps be better if he could end his life here, at The Bellissimo’s, among the freaks he loves so much. Maybe I should see if that could be arranged. Ask someone for help. 

I am one of the women closest to The Bearded Lady. The Little Lady is the other one, and I help her rule The Bellissimo’s. I have taught her to enjoy the tea from my homeland and we drink a cup together every now and then. She is uneducated and not as fine as me, so I still need to correct her, show how to drink tea in a proper manner. 

I am also good friends with The Fat Lady. We mothers understand each other, despite the language barriers, and what it is to be responsible for a child about to enter adulthood. I have done a very good job raising my daughter, and I give her tips and advice, and I often brag about Madison and how close we are. My sweet, little girl. She is my pride! She is pure and clean and has a worthy mind. Once we get back to my family, she will truly be a fine lady. Here, among the freaks, it’s impossible for both me and her to reach our full potential. 

I often ask The Wilder to sing songs about my homeland, about all the beautiful things there, in my native tongue. The Wilder disgusts me, but his poetry and his voice can actually make me feel better for a moment, if I close my eyes so I don´t have to look at him. Or smell him. He needs to take a bath.

I am always torn between two sides. The one who wants to be good and kind, and the one who wants to be savage. I feel like a princess locked away with two mean parents, who only care about themselves. Mother thinks she is too grand for everything, and only cares about herself, and having tea with The Bearded Lady. Father only cares about mother, and having a smoke with Worker John. They plan to leave the Bellissimo’s and go to mothers family, but I don’t want that. We argue about it quite often, and I try to make them understand that I love The Bellissimo’s and want to stay here. But they don’t care about me or my life or what I want at all. I am not going to their homeland. I don’t know anyone there and know nothing about it. I want to be here at The Bellissimo’s, among the freaks, on the roads, perform and be applauded! I have my best friend here, The Four-Legged Girl, whom I can talk to about anything, and I don’t want to leave her, alone with that scary Hypnotist that is her guardian.

My bestie is a tad bit scary with her four legs and both male and female genitalia, but she is really kind, and she always comes with me behind the wagons when I want to have a smoke. Soon, we shall try to get drunk. We have talked about it several times. I have talked to one of the workers, MIlosh, and he will get us booze. Milosh is, by the way, totally handsome and I am madly in love with him. I don’t want to move away from him either! I know that he doesn’t like us albinos, none of the workers do, but he still looks at me in a special way, and I try to be snazzy and cool whenever he’s around, so that he’ll fall in love with me. 

My parents fuck after every show, and they are completely engaged in that. I don’t dare to steal the money they have saved, but I have asked The Snake Charmer to do it. He is crazy about me, and that’s really good. I can ask him about anything, and he’ll do it. He is totally weird and gruesome, but it’s kind of cool to have someone who is willing to do anything that I want. It makes me feel powerful. But it’s almost annoying and irritating to see how devoted he is. 

He will help me steal the travel money. We have already talked about it, and he looked at me in a very loving and devoted way that I almost felt guilty and came close to changing my mind. He is so naive and gullible, but I really need his help. When mum and dad are doing their business after the first show in Malmö, that’s when the money will be stolen by me. The Snake Tamer will then keep it in his wagon, until we have decided what to do with it. I am very nervous, and if I’m found out, my mother will kill me. I must not get caught! 

With a wide grin, my father pushed my hand into the fire and told me that I was a lousy little bastard. He laughed at me when I cried and struggled, and my brother did all he dared to, which means that he laughed too. The fire was what I needed to end the years of abuse. The very same night, I filled a bag with everything I owned, and anything of value that I could find. I spread straw on the cottage floor, drowned it in kerosene, set it on fire, went outside and locked the door behind me.

 Now I’m an adult. A Lion tamer and in full control. I can read my animals in a way that no one else can, and I tame them and rein them with a will of steel. I am not scared by the roars of wild animals, and I know that fear concours all uprising attempts.
Last year I bought The Wilder at an auction from an estate of a deceased. He is good when on stage, but he needs to be motivated to roar to scare the audience. Starvation and my whip  is taking care of that. I allow him to be somewhat independent, but when he is taking a tone or refuses to cooperate, I have to show him where his position is and who is really in charge. He needs a proper bath, by the way. He’s starting to smell.

The Exotic Beauties are allowed to take him for a walk, and he also gets along well with The Albino Family. They speak the same language, and I let them at it. The Wilder and the albinos can sit and whisper with each other, every once in a while.

I married The Little Lady many years ago. Then, she was sweet and loving and smiled at me all the time. Now, she’s annoying, boring and thinks she is more than me, and this drives me crazy. It has happened more than once that I let her taste the whip, so that she too will see that I don’t tolerate her snooty manners. After giving her a round, she’s nicer to me.

I like to cuddle The Fat Lady and feed her sweets or oysters from my hand. She is soft and warm, and when she giggles, her boobs jump up and down. This is really arousing, and I have to enjoy her like a big, soft, cream cake. She smiles sweetly at me, and she makes me happy. She really is something other than my wife, that stiff, boring little lady.

Since Mr Jensen’s daughter Elvira disappeared a week ago in Västervik, the stress has been increasing. I notice it in The Wilder, he won’t obey and he’s anxious. The Little Lady is giving me gibes about everything that I do, and it was at its worst the day before yesterday, in Karlskrona, when my lion, in the middle of the show, ran out into the audience, out of my control. The audience screamed of course, I saw the danger and did everything in my power to keep him under control, but it was useless. Just before he was about to attack, The Hercules Woman came in, overpowered him and killed him. So, technically, The Hercules Woman has broken a taboo. I should talk to The Bearded Lady about this. What’s right is right.

I hate not being in control. I hate it when I’m not obeyed. This shame and anger, to see the looks and hear the jeering remarks from The Workers, and especially Virpi, with whom I lost a fight a while ago, pisses me off.

I was born in captivity in a sunny land far away. My father kept me hidden during the day, when he was working, and in the evenings we sat together, singing songs and making up stories about a better life. A life in freedom, without any chains – invisible as well as visible – to keep us down.

One day, I was discovered. I was ripped from his arms, and I came to Sweden on a large boat. Late one night, in biting cold and the bright light from lamps, I was on a podium in a loading dock, being auctioned off along with chimpanzees in cages, a chained elephant baby and a crazy beast with wild eyes and drooling jaws.

I had two owners before I came to The Lion Tamer and The Little Lady last summer, when my current owner died. I can understand what they’re saying most of the time, but they don’t understand me. No one knows my language, except for The Albino Family. The Albino Father often asks me to read or sing about my dreams of freedom, of love, of waking up in the arms of someone you love. The Albino Mother also comes to me sometimes, but she just wants to hear poems and songs about our homeland, about the people, the games, the songs and all the delicious food she is missing. And gladly I tell them the stories and sing them the songs in our language.

The Exotic Beauties come for me every once in a while. They’re playing with me, and sometimes they’re intimate with me and we have sex together. I usually feel much better when they return me to my master and I always have a smile on my lips, even though I know that they’re just playing with me. I always feel a bit loved when they’re done.

My longing for freedom and the frustration of being The Lion Tamer’s slave have grown stronger since Elvira disappeared a week ago. The chain around my neck and my hands is getting heavier every day. The Lion Tamer has to whip  me more and more to turn me into the roaring, dangerous beast that the audience loves and wants to see. I am tired to my bones of being the dangerous Wilder.
Satan is the nastiest one in our company. He smells of blood, sweat, iron and fear, and if I come too close to him, it’s like I can’t control myself. I want to stab him. Render him harmless. Kill him. I have seen that Dogboy seems to feel the same way.

Except for Satan, it’s just the life threatening fire that can scare me or enrage me. That, and being forced to take a bath or get clean.

Me and my twin brother Zydrunas came to the Bellissimo’s at the same time. When we were young we took to the roads to find work, beg, and ask for food anywhere we could find it. Our parents were poor and we were not welcomed children but we had each other. In filth and dust, cold and heat, we grew up. We hitchhiked with all sorts of tramps and went where the jobs were. We lived in the slums of the cities. We stole, we were looked up and beaten by the police, but we always had each other, and together, we were safe when the world around us showed its ugliest face.

When we joined the Bellissimo’s our lives finally landed. I found and fell in love with The Lion Tamer and my brother found the love of his life in The Hercules Woman. I’ve always lived by the philosophy that good things will come to those who fight for it. Patience and endeavour is what will be rewarded in the life after this.

I fell for The Lion Tamer and it was my great happiness when he chose to live his life with me. I’m still supporting and encouraging him, and love him, just as I’ve always done. I remind him about things he’s about to forget. I remind him to dress nicely and keep himself neat, so that he won’t look slovenly and dirty, like those shabby Workers. (I am so happy that my brother no longer is one of them!) Sometimes my husband gets angry with me for my “bloody nagging” and he beats me with his whip but it’s my own fault, I know that he is stressed right now with everything that’s happening and that his lion got killed by the Herkules woman the other day. I will simply have to find another way to support him.

I am the right hand of The Bearded Lady, together with Albino Mother Adelaide, and we help her in decisions concerning the Bellissimo’s. I’m very comfortable with this task and also very proud of it. Besides, I make four crowns a week compared to the other artists who only make three, like my husband.

On stage, I perform with The Fat Lady and have an entertaining show where we are compared to each other in funny ways. The Fat Lady will take on my clothes and I hers, we do a funny dance and then we sit in the lap of different members of the audience and everyone bursts out in laughter and lifts the roof of the tent.

Satan has come to me a couple of times recently and told me how it is between him and The Fakir, that she forces him to hurt her until she bleeds. I didn’t give him any tips or advice, I just listened to him. For once, I was speechless and had no advice to give. The last time we spoke, the same thing happened. I couldn’t find the words, but instead I kissed him. Kissed him! Oh my God, what did I do?
What am I going to do now? Perhaps talk to The Fakir or my husband, apologise, or kiss him again?

I am one of the oldest and still most reputable attractions of the Bellissimo’s, even though I now mostly take the role as compere during the shows. The Fortune Teller is my sister, and my gift was inherited from our grandmother, who also was a freak during her life. We have both grown up on the roads and come from a long family line of freaks and show artists. I got the beard and my sister got the visions from our grandmother.

Ten years ago, I took over the Bellissimo’s, after our parents died in a tragic fire, and I’m the one in charge here. I decide where to go. I decide how the wagons are divided, and most other things. The Little Lady and Albino Mother Adelaide are helping me, but I’m the one in charge of all the money and I have the final word.

The workers respect me and I let them continue when I hear how they bully the freaks. They are a bunch of lousy cowards, but they’re doing a good job and I have to think about the survival of our family and about our economy. I don’t meddle in people’s business or care about who’s sleeping with whom, as long as they don’t break any of our taboos the members of the Belissimo´s may mind their own business. The ones who do break a taboo, I have to punish. Sometimes it’s hard to make the decision about punishments, and other times it’s actually a pure pleasure.

In most cases, the punishment comes to pass by every member gathering in a circle around the guilty one, who then walks up to each and every one, asking for apology, and is then given a stroke from a stick or a whip, or anything else that seems appropriate. When the objurgation is over, everyone goes back to their usual shores. Naturally, I have my own tool I use at these occasions.

I have seen everything during my years here and nothing scares me or moves me particularly much. In that way me and my best friend, The 161-Year Old, are quite alike. I have no problems in lying and cheating as long as the show can go on. That’s my only goal in life.
It is a big grief that Adelaide is going back to her homeland with her family. She’s a wise and noble lady, who has made me love the tea from her homeland. We like to have a cup together.

The Exotic Beauties are often in my wagon spending time with me. I let him take care of this and that, fix my hair, brush my beard.
I am highly disappointed in Mr Jensen, who let his daughter Elvira run away a week ago in Västervik. He really has to make sure that his son won’t run away as well.

What we’re going to do about The Hercules Woman who killed The Lion Tamer’s lion, I have not decided yet. She did break one of our taboos, but it was to save the life of a visitor. Perhaps we should have a discussion about this with the entire company, to see what everyone thinks.

On Friday night after the show, it is time for salary payments. The grown-ups in the Bellissimo’s get three crowns a week, except for The Little Lady and Albino Mother Adelaide, who gets four.  I hope the money will be enough. The most important thing is that the workers get their salaries, so that they can party on Friday night. They will be too much of a trouble for me otherwise.

Little Star Nova is so sweet. Every morning, she usually goes around the area and wakes everyone up with her radiant morning spirit, and a happy “good morning”. I usually give her a piece of candy as a thank you.

Journalist Nordström wrote a letter to me, asking if he could write about us when we’re in Malmö. Naturally, I said yes. We need all the publicity we can get.

When I was born, I was left to die, and many times I think that I would have chosen that, if I had been given a choice. But I wasn’t allowed to die. Tyco, who every once in a while needs new artists to his group The Little Stars, saved me. So, I have spent my life here, as a Little Star with father Tyco, until he didn’t want me anymore and I was thrown out. I left my sisters Nova, Stella, Vega and Luna, knowing that the hell he has put me through would continue for them.  I have my own demons to deal with, and I can’t save my sisters, they will be rejected when they’re too old, and he doesn’t want them anymore. They just have to survive up until then. And despite everything that Tyco has done to me, I can’t keep myself from going back to him. I need to please him, to get his praise and approval, even though he’s thrown me out and rejects my approaches.

Vega, my little sister, is trying to reach out to me, but every time she looks at me, I turn away and the demon inside me roars and gives me a sting of its poison. I’m scared that she will breach through my walls and see the frightened, lonely, rejected little child that is still there, deep down.

Satan was my friend, he proposed to me, and we got married when Tyco threw me out. The Bearded Lady thinks that I don’t feel any pain, and I don’t argue, so now I perform as a fakir with Satan.
The itch and the panic inside me, it has to get out. I want to take Satan’s knives and stab myself, quell the demon that possesses me, the one inside me that torments and tortures me, and makes me hate myself. But Satan stops me. I scream at him, tell him to do it, to help me. He knows that I will go crazy if I can’t feel the pain on my body. So, I’m asking him to be a good man and hurt me, shouting at him not to be an egoistic bastard. Just a little bit so that I bleed. Just tonight. Just enough to calm me down, so I can sleep. So that the demon is calm. I want him to burn me with fire, but he refuses.

I don’t care what the other freaks think of me. I honestly don’t have the strength to. I have chosen to be different, and I have accepted it. Let The Workers glare at me, let the audience be frightened by what Satan and I do on stage. When the demon is calm, I am kind and actually enjoy being with the others. Until it roars again.

I envy Mariusz and Zydrunas, how they tend to The Hercules Woman and do everything to make her happy. I want what she has. I want to be her friend.

As a child I had many friends and a safe childhood, but everyone turned against me when my appearance changed and my horns grew. First it was the girls in the yard and then the boys. It didn’t take long from being their friend till they shouted at me and threw stones at me. They called me Satan and Devil and sometimes when they caught me, they beat me in all ways possible until one day I had enough. I couldn’t take it anymore and took to the roads alone.
When Tyco fired The Fakir, I chose to propose to her because I love her and she was my best friend. I love her still but I’m very afraid of her and I’m getting sick of what she forces me to do. She is vulnerable and I want to do anything I can to ease her pain. I try not to, but I know that if I don’t do it, she will. I’m helping her get rid of her demon. I collect the blood and sell it to Renfield. My repulsive actions make me run out into the night and vomit. Trembling and shaking, I cry and I go back in to ask for forgiveness, but then she smiles at me, looks at her wounds, and tells me that she loves me. Her satisfied smile is a jeer. She has tricked me again, and I fall for it every time. Now she started to tell me to burn her. But I refuse. I find consolation with the Worker Virip. The tenderness I want to give to The Fakir, but can’t, I give to Virpi. I can tend to the injuries she gets from the fights she’s always in. I can cry over her nicks and bruises, and she lets me.

I wish everyone well and I’m a loving person, but my outside discourages people. They look at me and flinch, and I was almost beaten to death by my siblings before I ran away and joined The Bellissimo’s as a child. I’m still scaring people from their senses, but now at least I make money from it and are getting applause. Here they love me anyway, somehow, and I have found myself home where I feel safe and secure.

Dogboy and The Wilder loath me, for some reason. They get aggressive when they’re close to me, and I try not to provoke them by getting too close or look them in the eyes.

Recently I have started to have conversations with The Little Lady. I told her about how powerless I feel with The Fakir and  that I have to hurt her, and she listened. She doesn’t give me any advice and she makes no demands. She just understands me and listens. The last time we talked, she sat quietly again, and then she kissed me. We haven’t had an opportunity to be on our own since then.

I was born into the best of families. My mother was the sweetest person I’ve ever met. Her hair was very beautiful and fair, and she had a pale skin that smelled nicely from books and heavy musk. She laughed and played with me through our big, dark rooms, a ray of sunshine lighting it up. We went out to the countryside and the forest and looked for bugs and animals that we brought back home and kept in a room that we called our zoo. She let father buy all kinds of animals from foreign countries and she was so happy about it all. Me myself was most happy to see the joy in Mother’s eyes, so full of curiosity and genuine happiness.

But then she changed. I didn’t notice anything. I was just a child, but the animals started to die. I found their lifeless bodies in this table in our zoo, out in the garden. Sometimes a little blood had trickled from the animal’s nose, sometimes the body was pierced with a wooden cane. One day, Mother was gone. After that the rooms in our house were just big and empty and dark.

With the family money, I got a spot at the university in a good city. I started natural science, biology and medicine and researched a range of topics about life and death. When my father died, I was the sole heir and I got the money that was left of his estate. I started to collect a variety of odd biological materials. Mermaids. Shrunken heads. Stillborn children. I handed in my research and my theories to the big universities, but all I got in return was jeers, and they told me I was crazy. I left the academic world in anger. I brought my research and my objects and started to travel to gain the lower people’s admiration for my fantastic discoveries.

And now I’m here. I’m showing my snakes. And I sell quite some of my miracle products, salves and creams to the visitors after the show. I’m also the doctor of the freaks and I’m they come to with all kinds of mental or physical trouble. I frequently help Tyco with various forbidden actions concerning his Little Stars. He’s a good man and he cares for his girls. I’m currently tending to The Hercules Woman after her fight with the lion. The clown frequently visits me and we can sit for hours and talk about the most bizarre topics and we both find a delightfulness in the macabre.

The Albino Daughter Madison has stolen my heart. She’s more like my mother, my lover, and the purest and sweetest lily. She caresses my cheek with soft white hands. Her breath against my ear when she promised me love makes me dizzy and my chest hurts, almost physically, from desire. She entices me with her smile, she plays with her hair and bites her lip and I lose focus of everything else. I have pledged my fidelity and I have promised to do anything for her. Her parents want to take her away from me and she has asked me to stop this. Only if she becomes mine, I can die happy.

After the show on Friday, I will together with Madison steal the Albino families’ saved money. I will then keep it in my wagon for safe keeping.

I’m the oldest of Tyco’s Little Stars, and I have performed my entire life. My body is worn and a bit too stiff for the new numbers we’re rehearsing, and I’m in pain. I know I have a broken rib, but I don’t know if it is from the fall when we were rehearsing or from when Tyco kicked me.

Father Tyco took me in when I was little and my mother couldn’t afford to care for me, so he is not my real father. My real father, I imagine, is a powerful and brave explorer. Something bad has happened to him, but he will be back. He will save me. I’ll know that when I see him. My real father, the one who actually wants me. The one who loves me. I tell this story as often as I can to my little sister.
Father Tyco doesn’t take me anymore like he did when I was little. Then he used to caress me and flatter me and the nightly abuse were ceressing and left a trail of his disgusting touch on my body, but it gave me a chance to close down. To close down is what I tell my sisters to do to endure. Now he only takes me when he’s angry, violently and by force and I don’t get the chance to close down. He beats me and then he takes me because he knows that my abdomen is broken and pains me more than anything, after all the abortions The Snake Charmer has done on me over the years. I know that this will continue until I move out, until he doesn’t want me anymore.
My big sister, The Fakir, doesn’t speak to me, not since she moved out and got married to Satan. This is a big grief because I loved her, and still do. I try to get her to talk to me, but she turns away and locks herself into her wagon with Satan. But I keep trying to reach her. I miss her and I love her.

A few times Mr Jensen has invited me over for coffee. He’s courting me a lot, and sure, I think that Mr Jensen is nice, and he’s probably my best chance to get away from father, to become Mrs Jensen. I try to be nice and kind to Mr Jensen, to show him that I will be a good wife. But he smells funny and I honestly don’t know if I would like him to touch me.

My little sisters who I live with are Luna, Stella and Nova. Fakir was earlier one of us Little Stars, but she’s too old now and is not allowed to be with us anymore.

Sometimes it feels like I’m in a different world. Maybe like I’m in a bubble or that I’m underwater. The people around me sound weird, and in brief moments, everything looks a bit blurry. Then I return to reality, and everything is back to normal.

I don’t know another world than this one. My mother and father occasionally send me letters and photos from my home. Sometimes I get to go home and be with them for a few days, but my parents work so much that they don’t have time for me. Tyco is a friend of my parents ,and they used to drink coffee together. They have told me that I should be nice and obey Tyco, who has been kind enough to let me be in The Little Stars. I don’t dare to tell mother and father that I’d rather be with them or what Tyco is doing to me during the nights.

The Hypnotist found me when I was crying the other day, and I don’t know why but I told her about the things Tyco is doing to me, the beating and rapes. Perhaps she can talk to Tyco about this. They know each other from before. Luckily, Tycos isn’t with me that much anymore. Stella is the one who gets to lay with him more often. She puts up more resistance, screams sometimes, whines and cries, and I seldom do that anymore. I close down as Vega my sister has told me to do. I encourage Stella to keep on resisting because I know Tyco loves it, and if she does he will prefer her and he will let me be.

I love to be on stage, to feel the heat from the spotlights in my face and listen to the delightful shouts from the audience when I do my most spectacular moves, together with my sisters. I truly am a different person on stage than I am off stage. In front of an audience, I am radiant, self-secure and brave, and off stage, I am quite the opposite. 

I have found a friend in Dogboy. Earlier we always played, and sometimes we took off to the town that The Bellissimo’s were visiting, or to the woods. One time we took a swim in a lake even though we weren’t allowed to. Dogboy and I always do the funniest things.  We pretend that we are someone else, that we are on the run, two explorers out on an adventure. I think that he wants to run away for real. I hope he doesn’t ask me to come with him because I would say yes, and I would never be able to keep such a secret from Tyco.
The Giant kissed me once, but of course I shoved him away. But if he does it again, I think I will let him go on because it was nice, but then I will fight him and I will tell his mother, The Fat Lady about it so she can punish him.

My sisters who I live with are called Vega, Stella and Nova. The Fakir was earlier one of us Little Stars, but she’s too old now and is not allowed to be with us anymore.

I am the next-to-youngest of The Little Stars, and father Tyco has since this winter taken me to his bed more and more often. Before it was my older sister Luna he took with him, but she has stopped making sounds and daddy likes it best when you make sounds. I try not to make any sounds, but I must. I have to scream because he is hurting me. I have to fight to make him stop. I’m begging and I’m pleading with him to stop but he doesn’t. And then I cry while he continues.

I used to be so happy before. I danced and I sang, and I was merry. Now I am not that so much anymore, and The Workers, who were the ones who most appreciated my songs, tease me and force me to sing, and they’re so many and they seem so dangerous, so I usually do what they want.

My lips are cracked and my hair is unruly. I feel nauseous all the time and I start to cry for nothing. Daddy thinks I’m whiny and hits me, and I can see that he’s looking at me in a new, weird way – disappointed, but also concerned. I do everything I can to be normal. I’m borrowing makeup from my best friends, The Exotic Beauties to make myself look better, or I ask them to put makeup on me. Even though they are a bit weird and talk a little funny, they’re nice and they like to play with dolls, just like me. We’re working on making a doll for every one of the freaks in The Bellissimo’s. I want to make the Tyco-doll, and when it’s done, I want to set it on fire.

The Giant kissed me the other day. Naturally, I shoved him off, I have learned that that’s what you’re supposed to do, but he smelled very good. His lips tasted sweet, and if he does it again, I will let him. I want to make myself pretty for him. Perhaps I can borrow a dress from someone, one that is a little more challenging than what daddy wants me to wear.

My sisters who I live with are called Vega, Luna and Nova. The Fakir was earlier one of us Little Stars, but she’s too old now and is not allowed to be with us anymore.

I am the youngest one of Tyco’s Little Stars. Father Tyco adopted me from an orphanage in Visby 12 years ago. I am now 13 years old. My mother was an evil mother who didn’t want to have any children, but she was really stupid and had a child anyway. I hate her. I’m sure that my real father is a monster too. My mother left me at the stairs to the orphanage two days after Midsummer, and it was really lucky that Father Tyco came there a year later and collected me because daddy is a nice daddy, and he loves me and my sisters. What if daddy hadn’t come to collect me? What if I had to stay with my mother, who hates children? That would have been horrible! Daddy always tells me that if I’m not nice and obey him, he will return me to the orphanage and I really don’t want that.

I love my older sisters, Stella, Luna and Vega. Stella is a bit boring and doesn’t play with me as much anymore. Sometimes Luna gets letters from her real mother and father, and that makes me sad and angry, so I make her fall over or step on her toes when we rehearse our show. Vega just complains that she hurts all over and I think that she’s not very good in our show anymore. She’s almost an adult now. I think that she should marry Mr Jensen, who is in love with her. Then we will be rid of her, and I can get a new little sister or little brother instead. That would be so much more fun.

I love my life in The Bellissimo’s. I am friends with practically everyone, and every morning I run into all the waggons, wishing them all a good morning. The Bearded Lady calls me her morning bell and that’s funny, I don’t sound like a bell. I love my daddy even though he sometimes can be very stern and has given me a spanking sometimes when I have disobeyed him. I don’t understand why my sisters don’t seem to appreciate the exciting life they have and how nice father Tyco is to them, giving them pretty clothes, letting them be on stage, getting applause. They’re just complaining and saying stupid things.

The Fortune Teller is the closest thing I have to a mother. We sing songs together and The Fortune Teller is braiding my hair.

Sometimes I tell her about what a daddy is doing to my sisters in bed when he sounds weird and they cry, but The Fortune Teller doesn’t really seem to take me seriously.

My older sisters who I live with are called Vega, Stella and Luna. The Fakir was earlier one of us Little Stars, but she’s too old now and is not allowed to be with us anymore.

Me and The Hypnotist grew up in an orphanage run by nuns, which was a place worse than anyone could imagine. That we didn’t starve to death or died from one of all the diseases flourishing in those filthy rooms is still a puzzle to me. What the nuns did to me in the name of God, forcing me on my knees to pray for hours, punishing me for my ability with pain, cold, humiliation, I still remember and that is why I hate filth, diseases and religion.

One night when me and The Hypnotist were almost adults, the abbey caught fire, and in the chaos that followed, we walked away from there, hand in hand. That was when our lives started. There in the fire, we left all horrors behind us. No, we would be our own independent adults, and no one would oppress us ever again.

I am very fond of children and a happy entrepreneur who has a good eye to how a great number is made. I am cherished for my amazing music and dance troupe, The Little Stars. The sweet girls are talented and love to be on stage. I have been the leader of The Little Stars for many years now and I live a fantastic life here among the freaks in The Bellissimo’s. Naturally, my girls are not freaks, and I am a charming, social and proper man in my best years. I care for my Little Stars as if they were my own children. I give them food, a place to sleep, an education. I teach them all I know about showbiz and I save them from the outside world. They will keep far away from that one and they shall be pleased with their life here at The Bellissimo’s. Here with me. If someone is no longer fit for my wagon and my business, they will leave or, like The Fakir, find someone else to take care of her. Even though I don’t want to have anything to do with The Fakir, she returns to me like a wooded dog, yearning for my praise and approval but I reject her and push her off, but she keeps coming back.

Stella , my next to youngest star, has since this winter, got to share my bed more frequently. She’s so sweet, the little thing, when she screams and fights and I feel so good when I manage to take her anyway and her whining is turned into silent tears. And now the little one is pregnant, I’ve noticed. Of course she doesn’t understand it, but I will have to sort it out. The Snake Charmer usually takes care of it.

Vega, the oldest star, has been in Mr Jensen’s wagon a couple of times and I think that’s the right thing to do. She’s so old now that it’s time for her to be another man’s burden. I will have to talk to Mr Jensen and tell him that it would be appropriate if he proposed. I had to give her a real beating with my boots the other day when she wasn’t being serious on stage. Nowadays, it’s only when she’s bleeding that I’m able to enjoy her sexually. Of course, I understand that this is not healthy. No, Mr Jensen will have to take her. That’s the way it must be.

Nova, it’s my little ray of sunshine. At least I know where I have her, the sweet, little thing. I almost never have to be stern towards her. I picked her up in an orphanage in Visby 12 years ago, she is now 13. A mother had left her infant there the previous summer. Nova is my little present, a piece of candy that I any day now will allow myself to enjoy. Perhaps I will do it tomorrow.

Luna, my next to oldest girl, is my strongest shining star, a true artist on stage. I am an old friend of her parents, and we meet up sometimes and have a cup of coffee when The Bellissimo’s is passing their city. I have vowed to them that I will take good care of their daughter, which, of course, I do, in the best possible way. But the other day I had to give her a proper lashing with the belt when she displeased me and I still use her body for my pleasure now and then, but I have to be really rough with her to get her to cry and fight the way I like her to do. When Luna came here, she was just a little girl, but now she’s a woman and it is me who has given her all of this. Of course, I’m still very fond of my little Luna, but she disappoints me when she runs off with that Dogboy and makes a fool out of me. If they’re going to spend time together, they will have to do it within the premises where I can keep my eyes on her. I demand to be respected and after all, it’s me who oversees her upbringing and her career.

I usually get along quite well with The Workers. They are good people.

Mariusz met the Hercules woman many years ago, when The Bellissimo’s had stopped in a town up north, and a young woman wearing rags and with an unruly hair was sneaking around the premises at night. He understood that there was something odd about her, that she was alone and homeless and had to fight for her survival like an animal every day. He brought her with him when they travelled on and fell deeply in love with her. He learned how to handle her strong emotions and to quell them when they took over. Her enormous strength and physical superiority gave her the name The Hercules Woman, and she soon became a standing number in the freak show. Some years later she also fell in love with and married the worker Zydrunas. 

The day before yesterday, during the show in Karlskrona, The Lion Tamers lion ran amok. If it hadn’t been for the Hercules woman, who bravely took care of the lion, wrestling it down and killing it, no one knows how it could have ended. The Hercules woman received some injuries, which she is now being treated for by The Snake Charmer.
The Hercules woman is very sensitive to her surroundings and often reacts by being violent. She needs the constant appreciation and approval from her men and from the audience, otherwise she becomes cranky, depressed and angry, and with her strength she can do a lot of damage.

13 years ago, the family was expecting a child. They were all overjoyed about this, and Maurisz and Zydrunas were happy to become fathers. The child was born on a Midsummer night, when The Bellissimo’s were in Visby. A few days after the childbirth, the new mother announced that the child had died. She had buried it herself, out by the sea. Everyone was grief stricken and even if it was many years ago, the men are still in mourning.

But the child did not die. The girl was picked up by Tyco, the year after when The Bellissimo’s once again were visiting Visby, from the same orphanage in which she was left. The Hercules Woman knows this and keeps a watching eye and an invisible hand over her young child Nova. She is so far keeping quiet about it, but she has decided to approach her. She does not yet know how.

When The Hercules Woman lay wounded on the ground after her fight with the lion, Worker John held her. He comforted her and stroked her hair. Since then, The Hercules Woman is deeply in love with John. Mariusz and Zydrunas can tell that they no longer are able to tame their wife’s temper, and they need to make Worker John one of them, to live with them as a third husband in their family. If The Hercules Woman’s temper is not stabilised, her entire career might be in danger.

You met the strong woman many years ago, when The Bellissimo’s had stopped in a town up north, and a young woman wearing rags and with unruly hair was sneaking around the premises at night. You understood that there was something odd about her, that she was alone and homeless and had to fight for her survival like an animal every day. You brought her with you when the company travelled on and you fell deeply in love with her. You learned how to handle her strong emotions and to quell them when they took over. Her enormous strength and physical superiority gave her the name The Hercules Woman, and she soon became a standing number in the freak show.

Ever since you chose to “fuck a disgusting freak”, you have been bullied by your former colleagues The Workers.

 When The Hercules Woman lay wounded on the ground after her fight with the lion, Worker John held her. He comforted her and stroked her hair. Since then, The Hercules Woman is deeply in love with John. You and Zydrunas can tell that you no longer are able to tame your wife’s temper, and you need to make Worker John one of you, to live with you as a third husband in the family. If The Hercules Woman’s temper is not stabilized, her entire career might be in danger.

13 years ago, your family was expecting a child. You were all overjoyed about this, and you and Zydrunas were happy to become fathers. The child was born on a Midsummer night, when The Bellissimo’s were in Visby. A few days after the childbirth, the new mother announced that the child had died. She had buried it herself, out by the sea. Everyone was grief stricken and though it was many years ago, you and Zydrunas are still in mourning.
 Tending to your wife is exhausting. No matter how much you love her, you’re carrying frustration and stress, and you frequently pay The Hypnotist for a moment of sex with The Four-Legged Girl to get rid of it.

Perhaps you should go to The Fortune Teller the next time you get your salary, to see if there might be a little baby waiting for you and your family in the future. You would love to be a father.

After just a few months of being a worker at The Bellissimo’s, you fell in love with the several years older Hercules Woman. Her husband Mariusz and you got along well, and you asked for her hand so that you too could live with her as husband and wife. You have never had it better than you have it now. You live with the woman you love and your best friend.

Ever since you chose to “fuck a disgusting freak”, you have been bullied by your former colleagues The Workers. You try to mediate between The Workers and the freaks, but usually the only outcome is that your wife gets upset and risks hurting someone, so you often choose to swallow your frustration.

You seduce your wife as often as you can, and you know that sexual satisfaction is important to make her feel good, and ever since you lost your child in Visby that horrible Midsomer thirteen years ago, your biggest wish is for her to be pregnant again.

 When The Hercules Woman lay wounded on the ground after her fight with the lion, Worker John held her. He comforted her and stroked her hair. Since then, The Hercules Woman is deeply in love with John. You and Mariusz can tell that you no longer are able to tame your wife’s temper, and you need to make Worker John one of you, to live with you as a third husband in the family. If The Hercules Woman’s temper is not stabilized, her entire career might be in danger.

You and your twin sister The Little Lady came to The Bellissimo’s at the same time.

When you were young you took to the roads to find work, beg, and ask for food anywhere you could find it. Your parents were poor and you were never any welcomed children but you had each other. In filth and dust, cold and heat, you grew up. You hitchhiked with all sorts of tramps and went where the jobs were. You lived in the slums of the cities. You stole, you were locked up and beaten by the police, but you always had each other, and together, you were safe when the world around you showed its ugliest face. When you joined the Bellissimo’s your lives finally landed. The Little Lady found The Lion Tamer, and you found the love of your life.

You can see how The Fakir is looking at your family in envy. Perhaps she wants you, perhaps she wants you and Mariusz both? Or is it perhaps your wife she’s yearning for? You should really try to make a move on her.

Me and Paoli are siblings. A few years ago, we fled from our father’s estate. Father had discovered my sexual deviants, and he had seen me and one of the farm-worker do things out in the stable. He beat the farm-worker to death, and if my older sister Paoli had not taken me and ran to the woods, I would have been dead now.

I like it here with the freaks, although most of them so ugly that they could make an onion cry. The Albino Family think themselves to be better than everyone else, and they are such snobs. I have made it a sport to “accidentally” spill something on them or get them dirty in other ways. They shall not think that they are something.

Renfield and their eccentric ways was something I took a liking to the moment I got here. It took us a few years before we dared approach each other. We can spend days just glancing at each other, writing little notes, and brush up against each other by mistake during meals, before we get an opportunity to be together in our very own, special way. They also give me a bottle of something strong every now and then, that I won’t have to pay for.

I frequently force Little Star Stella to sing her happy songs to me, like she used to, but nowadays I need more and more persuasion to get her to do it. I wonder why. Sometimes I grab her and dance with her, round and round, until she gets dizzy. That’s funny.

Dogboy is always following me, disturbing me both in my work and when I recuperate, and I have almost tripped over him several times, but I must admit that it’s quite cosy to lie down next to him, when he cuddles up against me when I’m resting.

Just like the other workers, I do almost anything for money. Some call this a weakness, but I see it as something natural. Money is what I need to get the pleasures that make life worth living.

Mariusz and Zydrunas, The Hercules Woman’s two husbands, are former workers, and we clearly make them see that this is not an acceptable behaviour. You don’t desert us to go off marrying a disgusting freak. We bully them and take any chance to fight the men.

Me and Scarlatti are siblings. A few years ago, we fled from our father’s estate. Father had discovered Scarlatti’s sexual deviants, and he had seen her and one of the farm-workers do things out in the stable. He beat the farm-worker to death, and if I had not taken Scarlatti and ran to the woods, she would have been dead now.
I think that comradery is very important, and so is holding the group together. We workers here at The Bellissimo’s make a good family. We are stable and safe as a large and good group of siblings. I care a lot for my friends.

The freaks, of course, are idiots. Well, not The Bearded Lady, her I respect, and Tyco is OK. I regularly buy myself some time with The Four-Legged Girl from The Hypnotist and act on my desires with her. She has both male and female genitalia but she is nice and I secretly like her. I actually sneak a flower to her, every once in a while. Secretly, of course. No one must know, and I jeer her during the days, to keep my co-workers from getting suspicions. One time she hit me in anger. That was sweet. I wouldn’t mind being “up close” with her in the future.

Our family was wealthy and rich, and me and Scarlatti grew up in luxury, but now we’re poor, and just like all the other workers, I do almost anything for money. Some call this a weakness, but I see it as something natural. Money is what I need to get the pleasures that make life worth living, like buying a small bottle of something strong from Renfield.

Mariusz and Zydrunas, The Hercules Woman’s two husbands, are former workers, and we clearly make them see that this is not an acceptable behaviour. You don’t desert us to go off marrying a disgusting freak. We bully them and take any chance to fight the men.

I have come to understand that there is something hanky-panky going on between The Albino Girl and The Snake Charmer. I have seen them together, talking in confidence and glaring nervously, but they never saw me. I’m absolutely sure that they’re up to something, and that the smarmy bastard The Snake Charmer has tricked The Albino Daughter into something shitty. I will be on my guard. If something happens, The Snake Charmer is the first person I would suspect, and their wagon would be the first to examine if anything goes missing.

I frequently wrestle with The Giant. He is fun to beat, and he radiates insecurity and reluctance, but if he manages to hit you, it will bring you down. Sometimes he gets a direct hit, but most often, I let him, since a blackeye or a cracked lip gives me sympathies and cares from Satan. I don’t know what’s happening between us, but when his hands caress me, stroke my hair, my cracked lip, his eyes gazing deeply into mine, and what I see there is a scared and lonely little boy who needs my love and intimacy. I close my eyes and enjoy it. Then, afterwards, I look at him again. His ugly, misshapen face. His body. The Freak. And I sent him away. Then I mock him, more than the others. I shout at him how much he disgusts me and how ugly he is. Until I get my next injury, and we meet again in some kind of secret, tendering union.

The best thing about my friends The Workers are our routines. Our morning coffee, our songs, our life together, and that we make each other stronger. We push each other’s limits, but we’re always here for one another. We are our own kind, better than the freaks. That’s obvious. The Bearded Lady is the only normal one amongst them. I respect her and admire her for her enterprise. Tyco is also a good chap and whatever he is doing there, in that wagon of his, I don’t interfere with.

Just like all the other workers, I do almost anything for money. Some call this a weakness, but I see it as something natural. Money is what I need to get the pleasures that make life worth living. I might not buy as much alcohol as the others from Renfield, but it sure is good.

Mariusz and Zydrunas, The Hercules Woman’s two husbands, are former workers, and we clearly make them see that this is not an acceptable behaviour. You don’t desert us to go off marrying a disgusting freak. We bully them and take any chance to fight the men.

I like to spend time with The 161-year-old. We are from the same country, and they let me talk about the memories I have from the war and the revolution, before the country was bombed into pieces. How I, as a 15 year old, saved my father from the fires when the fabric we were working on was bombed. How my mother was hanged for her faith. The fight is still burning in my chest, and I wish that The Bearded Lady and her closest ladies, Albino mother Adelaide and The Little Lady could loosen their grip a little. All the freaks should not be allowed to decide of course, but I should be in the leading body as a representative for us workers and have a say in the decisions that concern us all. I am insistently trying to convince them to let me join. I have begged and pleaded and tried to guess the rest of the workers and the freaks on my side but to no use. The only thing left to do is bribes and threats.

Life on the roads is the best thing ever. I have never gone to school, but I’m sure as hell brighter than many others. I get to work with my body, and I get to enjoy the wind and weather. The freaks are a bit special, but I can live with them as long as they’re not stomping into our waggon or distract us in our work. My friends are my family now since my father died a few years ago and we have a good time together. I love them all and I would defend them to the last drop of blood if something were to happen.

The Albino daughter Madison seems to like me and she tries to flirt with me so that I will give her alcohol. It’s fun to keep her on tenterhooks, see how she’s fluttering around me, but it can’t do any harm that she gets a taste from the bottle. She’s a big girl now and I will let her have a sip the next time I can afford to buy from Renfield. If she hadn’t been so damned white, I would have hit it on her. But what the hell, in the darkness, all cats are grey. I offer her cigarettes, which she secretly smokes behind the tent with the freak The Four-Legged Girl.

The Four-Legged Girl is way too cocky to be my and the entire company’s own little whore. She has both male and female genitalia. But of course, she does not know this, the Hypnotist put her into hypnosis when we fuck her, so I won’t say anything about it. She is available and reasonably cheap.

Mariusz and Zydrunas, The Hercules Woman’s two husbands, are former workers, and we clearly make them see that this is not an acceptable behaviour. You don’t desert us to go off marrying a disgusting freak. We bully them and take any chance to fight the men.

I live my life here with The Bellissimo’s. I have friends, food in my belly and I get to work with my body, out in the fresh air. The Bearded Lady is a good boss. Perhaps a bit parsimonious, but money isn’t everything. To set up the big tent with my friends The workers and then sit in the sun, have a beer and smoke is more than I could ever ask of life. It’s a pleasure and I am right where I want to be in my life. I don’t want to think about what could have happened to me if I had remained where I come from. I would probably have dangled from the gallows a long time ago or been locked up at the loony bin because of my homofili. But here, nobody cares.

Renfield is an unpleasant fellow, but his access to alcohol never runs dry, and The Little Star Stella is so cute when she sings her sweet little songs to us. I always try to get her to sing something a bit more filthy and nasty because she is so cute when she blushes. But she sings to us more seldom now. That’s sad. I guess I’ll have to push her a bit. Nothing can beat a night with a good song and a good wrestling match with The Giant. I often ask The Albino Father for some help with technical stuff around the Bellissimo´s. He’s not completely lost, even though he’s an albino and it’s hard to understand him. As a thank you, I give him a cigarette and a beer, and it seems to me that he appreciates these little moments of small talk.

The day before yesterday, in Karlskrona, the lion ran amok and attacked the audience. The Hercules woman overpowered it and killed a lion, but got some injuries herself. I was first on the scene and I held her and stroked her forehead before her men, Mariusz and Zydrunas, got there. She was lying there in my arms, looking deep into my eyes. I caressed her and patted her and told her that everything would be alright. Both of her men are old workers and they have abandoned us in in the gang to marry a freak, whom they also share. So, of course, that’s why we hate them. But if I could choose, I would like to be with her and share a bed with Mariusz and Zydrunas. What an amazing happiness that would be. I have to try to get in their family even though I know that I also will be hated by the rest of the workers.

The Four-Legged Girl is quite rough and actually talks back sometimes when I jeer her. I buy her to satify my needs, but I think that The Hypnotist should lower her price because she’s not that great.

I have a burning desire to shed a light on the raw and filthy in our society. The suffering of the poor and the ugliness in the disfigured. Partly because it fascinates me, but also because I make a hell lot of money out of it. This is not only enticing to me, but to the rest of The Evening Post’s readership. I’m good at inspiring confidence and making people trust me. I see their pain and their longing. My manners are smooth and easy, and I usually get people to reveal things they wouldn’t want others to know.

When I found out that the freakshow The Bellissimo’s was coming to Malmö, I wrote a letter to their leader, my old friend The Bearded Lady, and asked her if I could do a story, and she let me. This will be really good. Of course, I don’t want to influence or change anything. That goes against my journalistic ethics.

When I arrived at The Bellissimo’s, I recognised Renfield immediately. He is sought after by the dangerous leaders of the underworld. Renfield was involved with smugglers. He lied, cheated and murdered, and in the end, he upset the wrong person. And in the underworld, you will not get yourself in debts if you can’t pay them back, then you end up at the bottom of the sea. You disappear and become fish food. I will use this knowledge. Threaten him with small gestures and handwritten notes. Perhaps ask him for money somehow, but without revealing myself.

As soon as I saw The Giant, I felt tenderness, perhaps even love.
The Hercules Woman’s husbands fascinate me. How can they share a wife? Do they share a bed all three of them, or how does it work?